I was taken to task for my previous UC article. “Leo,” they said, “there are plenty of interesting things on campus that you’ve completely glossed over”.
I was shocked. All things considered, I thought that my first article was rather comprehensive, but if there were indeed other things out there, damn it I was determined to find them. So without further ado, here are 6 more exciting things for you to see on campus.
A Tree That Once Had A Lot Of Shoes On It
I remember this tree in its prime. Back in the day its branches were positively plump with fresh shoes growing carelessly in the summer sun. I’m pretty sure that years ago, local UC students planted this shoe tree as a means of securing a constant supply of shoes for shoeys. The demand on campus for drinking alcohol out of a shoe had grown so rapidly that local shops could no longer maintain adequate stocks of the container of choice for serious novelty drinking.
Unfortunately, unsustainable harvesting practices have since reduced this once verdant shoe tree to the barren state that you see today. Admittedly, it’s not much to look at anymore, but I make a point to check it occasionally for any freshly budding baby shoes.
The Library Security System
This silent sentinel stands guard at the gates of the library. When the book sensors are triggered, his eyes burst open, and he rises from the ground to quickly subdue any potential book thieves, reclaiming their ill-gotten gains from whatever is left of the carnage that ensues.
I’ve heard tales that this wooden golem was given life via the secret, dark-magic under-the-counter tomes that they provide only at the request of the bravest students.
I have also, in case the logistics of this anti-theft apparatus are not clear, tried my best to construct a diagram that accurately illustrates the terror of its awakening.
A Trolley Without Wheels
What’s the deal with this trolley? Why doesn’t it have wheels? How did it get there? That’s about all I have to say about this one.
I Don’t Know… The Sky?
Now, I realise you can see the sky from most places that are not inside, but something about viewing it at UC is special. Looking up at the sky while on campus often lends it this blinding opulence, reminding you that you are but a tiny speck in a world of momentous learning.
Mostly though it just reminds you that there aren’t enough trees around.
The ‘Study Pod’
This one is just a theory, but doesn’t this thing sort of look like a giant… battery? No? Come on, work with me here. Maybe if you really squint? Well, whatever. There’s definitely something off about it, I just can’t work out exactly what. Maybe it is indeed a covert operation to siphon academic energy from unsuspecting students, and then use it to power some nefarious machine? Maybe it’s an elevator that twists and plunges deep into the dark heart of the university if you utter its activation code? Maybe it’s just a harmless pod and I really have gone completely mad? Who can really say? The point is, I don’t trust it no matter what it is.
The Special Rock
I have never understood the deep reverence expected of us students towards this rock. Back in the time when our fair uni was a fair college, a period which I think should be referred to as the stone age, the special rock was supposedly a pretty big deal, and they had all kinds of strange ceremonies and methods of worship dedicated to it.
However, the rock’s time in the sun is long over, and while we still have a week of paganistic celebration in honour of it, it pales in comparison to the rich culture and traditions of our forebears, which if the tales are to be believed, included fairy worship and offerings of animals.
I personally believe that they just found a big rock that they didn’t want to move so they just built the university around it.
So there you have it folks, a list of quite possibly every remaining thing to see on campus. Please don’t make me write another article about this. I have nothing left.