A University of Canberra student,in an unprecedented world first, has been spotted pitching a tent in a vacant car space near Building 9 – but this time camping out for a parking spot.
Robby Jones, 19, is a first-year arts student at UC who is fed up with the lack of car spaces at the university.
“My Grandad always said to me that one day there would not be enough car spaces at the University of Canberra, and that it would suck!”
“He was oddly specific, given I was six years old and living in Canada at the time… Of course, I just dismissed it as the ramblings of an old man who had gotten into the laughing water again, but who is laughing now?” Mr Jones said solemnly, as he recast his fishing line into a makeshift pothole puddle.
Asked what the cause of car space depletion was, Jones mused it could be a number of things.
“It could be a result of climate change! Or a government conspiracy! Or perhaps the less likely theory that a lack of funds is going towards the necessary infrastructure to account for a growing populace of students travelling to and from UC by car,” he said.
High-profile economist, Craig Richardson, said that Australia is outsourcing too many of its car parks to China and the EU at a great cost domestically.
“We have all our eggs in one basket and if China’s economy stumbles we are essentially fucked,” Richardson said.
When asked to further elaborate on this Mr Richardson proceeded to break the fourth wall even though no film cameras were present.
“You think I’m crazy? Well, listen up, there’s a storm coming like nothing you’ve ever seen, and not a one of you is prepared for it,” Mr Richardson said.
Asked if he was intentionally referencing Oscar nominated actor Michael Shannon from the critically acclaimed movie The Shelter Richardson stated he had no prior knowledge of the film and explained that he didn’t understand the reference.
When the university was asked for a reply, they shifted the conversation to their new state of the art thing that would be used by everyone but students.
This article is satire.